Uhhhmmm, I Have a Question...

So I have a question... And I know other people are probably thinking the same thing but don't nobody wanna say nothing. Oh Well, Fuck It! A lot of folks think I have no filter, so I'mma say something! 

What is going on wit' you and dem fake eyelashes Love? Is this like a new thing for you? I hate to break it to you but those lashes are NOT The Move. Dem joints be looking very tarantula-esque. Dem fake lashes are screaming very much dollar store purchase Daahlin'! Is that really the look you're going for?

I am definitely not a MUA by any means but I can see with my one good eye when something looks good, bad or outrageously outlandish. Deciding on full strip lashes can sometimes be a little tricky, especially for a rookie. Individual lashes are awesome and can give you the fullness, length and drama you crave without bordering on circus clown type ish. Also, never ever underestimate the power of a great mascara! That shit can be pretty damn near magical yo! Cheap lashes and eyelash glue can rip your real eyelashes clean da efff out. They can also lead to a wicked eye infection something tewwiboh if you're not careful. 

Donkey years ago when God was a boy, let's just say I got more than a little carried away with plucking my poor brows out within an inch of their natural born life. Thank Gawd a friend checked me and asked what the hell was up with my Starvation Edition Eyebrows. Good looking out Aisha! ;-) Thank you so much for keeping it Really Real in da field pretty girl! Thank goodness my brows were eventually able to grow back completely. Unfortunately, that is not always the case. Otherwise, I woulda probably been very much serving some Whoopi Goldberg type eyebrows today! (Wipes cold sweat from my brows). Whew! I am Forever Grateful Gawd!

Anyhoo, back to the lash situation. Everyone has different tastes of course and it's a free world so folks can wear pretty much whatever they want whenever they want. Then again, some folks are going on dates butt ass naked now, so I guess clothes are optional for them these days. What in the World of Worlds Faahdah Gawd?! Cho! Shake mi Bloodclaat head yaah man! But again, I digress...

If you go hella crazy with the lash glue something as simple as blinking can become a real challenge. You do NOT want that. You also do NOT want your falsies hanging halfway off your real lashes one blink away from a skruggle struggle. You also definitely do NOT want to be the girl folks are bad talking and laughing at when you roll up in the party thinking you Fly AF. And believe me, dem muthafuckas will do just that cuz some people just be grimy like that. As we say in Patois (Creole) in Jamaica, 'A Nuh Every Kin Teet A Laugh'. Believe me, I know from experience (not because of fake lashes tho!), dem bishes most likely AIN'T laughing WITH you, they are laughing AT you. Do NOT be the brunt of dem mofos' joke.

As much as I detest Mrs. Kanye West (y'all can't tell me that Noted Scholar, PROFESSOR of English, DOCTOR Donda C. West ain't rolling in her grave. Keep it real y'all!) AKA Kim Kardashian for all her hollow brain airheadedness, her extremely annoying I've-swallowed-fifty-'leven-helium-balloons-valley-girl voice, super fake cry faces and her zillion oh so silly duck face photos, [I HATE ALL Duck Face Pics BTW], she and her MUAs have over the years pretty much mastered the art of applying and wearing false lashes and wearing them pretty damn doggone well.

Practice will eventually make perfect for both selecting and applying false lashes. Save the Whoa Dere! lashes for a special event like your birthday, New Year's Eve or Halloween, etc. I say go more for New Nicki Minaj AKA Onika Maraj subtlety (Thank You Jeezas!) and less for Old Nicki Minaj Over the Top Look-At-Me!-Look-At-Me!-Ness for your everyday look. 

Trust me, your REAL lashes will thank you one day. You're welcome sweetheart. :-)

YsanneBueno is a music addict, pepper sauce aficionado and sometime writer 

Made in JahMekYah, Built in Nu Yawk Citi, trying to adjust to life in Jawja.

There's Just Something About the Food in Jamaica...

There's just something about the food in Jamaica. Ask any Jamaican. They'll tell you. Ask any true foodie that's visited the Jewel otherwise known as Jamrock. They'll tell you too. You know that feeling you get when the food is good enough to make you moan? That feeling you get when you have that first bite & wonder where was this delish dish all your life & how did you ever live without it? Yessssssss! The culinary delights in Jamaica are That Damn Good! I've listed a few of my favorite dishes & treats from my homeland definitely worthy of Honorable Mention & some GIFs of possible reactions for first timer indulgers.

* Your reaction when you have Jamaican 'Chinese Food' for the First time

* Your reaction when you have Jamaican Jerk Pork or Jerk Chicken for the first time

* Your reaction when you have Jamaican seafood & bammy & festival for the first time

* Your reaction when you have Jamaican Oxtail & Rice & Peas for the first time

* Your reaction when you have Appleton Estate V/X Jamaica Rum for the first time

* Your reaction when you have Jamaican Cornmeal Porridge for the first time

* Your reaction when you have Jamaican Pan Chicken & Hard Dough Bread for the first time

* Your reaction when you have Jamaican KFC for the first time

* Your reaction when you have Jamaican Burger King for the first time

* Your reaction when you have Jamaican Chocolate Tea for the first time

* Your reaction when you have Jamaican ice cream from Devon House for the first time

That was just a smidgen of all the deliciousness Jamaica has to offer. If you're a tourist, don't be afraid to explore! If you want the real deal meals, don't stay confined to the hotel property. Venture out, be safe & Get Your Eat On! Hotel culinary fare often never really gives you a truly authentic foodie or cultural experience, no matter what locale you're visiting. What are some of your favorite eats from your country or travels? Do tell!

YsanneBueno is a music addict, pepper sauce aficionado and sometime writer 

Made in JahMekYah, Built in Nu Yawk Citi, trying to adjust to life in Jawja.

Yaaaasssssss! J.Crew Did That!

I’ve always loved rocking pieces different from the everyday norm, so when I saw the Eyelash Lace Jumpsuit in the J.Crew Wedding Collection my knees damn near buckled. Yessssssssss Lawd!

How Elegantly Badass is this? Thank you J.Crew for taking the idea of a traditional wedding gown and turning it upside down and inside out! The lace comes from a family owned mill in Rhode Island established in 1859 so you know they have totally mastered all things lace. I love how lace makes everything it touches instantly more magical. The detailing is beyond beautiful. It has pockets too! Who doesn’t love pockets?!

An outfit like this would be perfect for me. I’ve never been married and I most likely would be sooooo nervous and excited on my wedding day that I just might sprint down the aisle and probably trip over all the fabric of a long, elaborate gown. Oh Lawd! That would definitely not be a good look for YsanneBueno. Another great thing about this nuptial number is that it would cover up all my tattoos… well nearly all my tattoos anyway. ;-)

At $750 USD, this piece lets you make a sartorial statement without breaking the bank (compared to most selections in the bridal magazines and stores) and you can wear it again and again long after you say 'I Do'. Partner it with a hair ornament, earrings and some haute heels for the perfect blend of panache and pizzazz. 

For the braver and bolder bride there is a sequin shorts romper available too!

Wanna wear a lace jumpsuit to your wedding? By all means! Go for it! Do You! Add your Style Signature to your special day! Who says today’s Bride can’t bend or even break some of the traditional wedding day rules? It’s your day! Do it your way!

Standing Ovation J.Crew Weddings Collection! You Did That!

YsanneBueno is a music addict, pepper sauce aficionado and sometime writer 

Made in JahMekYah, Built in Nu Yawk Citi, trying to adjust to life in Jawja.

Congrats Mr. & Mrs. West!... but Seriously Jaden?!

Congrats on your nuptials Kimberly Noel and Kanye Omari. You did it Ye! You married your Dream Girl! Not surprisingly, Kim’s dress was lovely and elegant and Kanye looked dapper and over the moon with joy.

André Leon Talley, Blessed Father of Fashion. Hello Sir. I gave you the moniker Big Red Riding Hood after seeing that Red Sea Monstrosity you wore to the wedding. Not every item of clothing looks good or is flattering, Haute Couture or not. I’mma let you have your moment though ALT! Do You Love! Do You!!

What I really want to talk about is Jaden Smith and that doggone white Batman suit! Boy! What in The What of Whats! See anything 'OFF' about the photo above? Yep. I'm sure you do. Why it always gotta be that one person that always gotta be doing The Most? It Never Fails. Why can’t some folks just dress like fairly normal, ordinary, everyday people? Why Lawd?!

Will and Jada, I let y’all slide when I saw the pic of that not-quite-a-boy, not-quite-a-man, shirtless in bed with Willow. I was thinking, ‘Oh, Okay then’. ‘What’s the big deal?’ ‘They’re celebrity kids. They live a different life and by a different set of rules than normal, everyday kids.’ ‘He grew up with them.” ‘He’s Jaden’s friend’. ‘Willow has on clothes.’ I thought of every possible way to be unbothered by that image. To be honest though, I have no idea exactly how I would respond if that were my daughter. But I digress…

Back to Batman. When I saw Jaden in that stoooopid white Batman suit at Kim and Kanye’s good good weddin’, I was like ‘No, No, No, No’ in both my Destiny’s Child AND Dawn Penn voices! Boy! What the hell is wrong with you?! You know better than that Jaden! Or do you?

I wish a muddafukka would show up at my doggone weddin’ dressed like a got damn clown! I really wish somebody would! Let me be walkin’ down da aisle after nearly fawty got damn years and see somebody in their Halloween Best! I really wish a muddafukka would! Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeet!

I don’t have any kids yet, but I wish my future son or daughter would fix their lip to tell me (they are going to a wedding, overseas no less and out of all their possible wardrobe choices), they have selected to wear a Batman [or some other outrageous] costume to a Weddin'! ‘Say What Now?!’ (in my Nene Leakes’ voice). It is not Halloween, a costume party or a trip to the grocery store. I am all for embracing a child's individuality, creativity and self expression. How-B-Ever, A Weddin' is NOT the occasion for THAT Outfit! No Sir! No Ma’am! Hell Nah!

A wedding is all about the Bride, the Groom (or Bride and Bride or Groom and Groom) and Celebrating their Love and Union. A Wedding is THEIR Big Day. That most definitely was not the time or the place for Jaden’s costume and his tomfoolery.  That was not the place for him to be goofing off and photobombing other guests’ photos in the photo booth. Look at Kourtney's face y'all! She looks Salty AF!

There has never ever been a day when Malia and Sasha left 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and were out there in dem streets looking crazy. All it would take is one good side eye from FLOTUS, Mom-in-Chief & Fashion Icon Michelle Obama to shut that shit D-O-W-N with the Usain Bolt quickness!

All fun and jokes aside… Will and Jada, please please please pay more attention to your children. Seriously, a few rules and some structure never ever hurt nobody.

YsanneBueno is a music addict, pepper sauce aficionado and sometime writer 

Made in JahMekYah, Built in Nu Yawk Citi, trying to adjust to life in Jawja.